Visiting the Girls’ orphanage last year

Okay, so I’m a week late in posting reflections from our girls’ orphanage visit last year, like I had promised to do last weekend! I am really enjoying reading all of our blog entries from this time last year when we were in Ukraine adopting Misha and Dima. Before I start into to today’s reflections I want to just mention how blessed I feel to be here at home, on a Sunday, with my husband and all 5 kids – together as a family. Last year on this date, I was really struggling. John, Valerie, and Sean were at home in CA and I was with McKenna, Dima, and Misha in our facilitator’s very small apt. in Ukraine waiting for our passports. We were in that apt. for 2 weeks going stir crazy. The couple we were staying with were most gracious, but none the less, they don’t have kids and they are not used to 3 active children living in their apt. with them! Being away from John and the other two kids was very hard.

 

Last year, we made the 17-hour train ride from Kyiv to Lugansk to go visit the orphanage where our girls lived. We have had many people ask us if this was a good idea. "Won’t it bring back bad memories for your girls?" "Aren’t you afraid that they’ll think you are going to leave them there?"…comments like that. Each and every adoption is unique. Each child has their own experiences and background. Every orphanage experience is different. And, each adopted child’s attachment to their new family is different. I cannot recommend that all adoptive families take their kids back for a visit. But for our girls, this was a good experience. Our girls are very attached and secure. They have nothing but positive memories of their time in the orphanage. The orphanage staff there just adores our girls and cried when we walked in. They rolled out the red carpet for us during our visit.  They let us go upstairs to see the groupa area where they lived and slept. We saw many familiar faces there. One of the caregivers working upstairs could not even speak she was so emotional about seeing the girls. Not many people make the loooooooooong trip back to Ukraine, then all the way to Lugansk just to visit the staff at the orphanage and say "thank you". We felt we really wanted to do this. We are so appreciative to the staff for all the individual love and care they received in their early childhood that gave them a great start to life. The director has made many improvements to the orphanage, which was nice to see. There were photos of children that had been adopted hanging all throughout the building. Our girls found pictures of themselves in about 4 different places (that’s because we have sent so many photos in the past). Both girls were very quiet while we were there. They did not like the ladies trying to hug them or talk very fast to them in Russian. They enjoyed observing but didn’t want to get too close! Then, later that day after we had left the orphanage, the girls got silly and animated – telling pretend stories of what they think happened when they lived at the orphanage! They asked when they can come back.

 

One of the most enjoyable parts of this day was being able to track down our driver, Leonid. He had changed his cell phone number but through the help of our missonary friends calling Leonid’s son, we got his new number. He walked to the orphanage to meet us and visit with us. He was very touched also that we came back to say thank you. He could barely speak English because he was out of practice. We were also amazed by the improvements to the city of Lugansk. The car-eating size pot holes were all gone. There were lots of new buildings and stores. The city has been cleaned up.

 

Both John and I could have easily driven right to the orphanage. The route was so engrained in our minds after making 2 trips per day for a month during our adoption in 2006. The rest of this day we spent enjoying the fellowship of the missonary family we were staying with. We were so happy and grateful that we were able to go back to Lugansk to visit.

 

Later today I will post about the changes in our girls from 2006 to now!

Laurel

 

17 hour train ride

One year ago today, we were in Kyiv boarding a train for a 17 hour ride to Lugansk. This was quite adventursome and fun, but also the HOTTEST I’ve ever been in my life. It must have been over 100 degrees in our little sleeper cabin, with no way to open a window or door. There were 5 of us sleeping on 4 beds in this heat. I felt as though someone was sitting on my chest when I’d try to take a deep breath. We could look outside and see the beautiful freshly fallen snow, but inside the train the heater was stuck on HOT with no way to adjust the temperature.  The train stops at EVERY little town along the way, so getting unterrupted sleep is impossible. I’ve never been so happy to get off a train and out into 20 degree weather! I stood out in front of the train station for a while with no coat on because I was so relieved to be out of that train. Ukrainians STARE or should I say GLARE at you if you don’t have your coat bundled up with a scarf, hat and gloves but here was this California standing there holding my coat over my arm because I could not stand the thought of putting it on after being so hot all night on the train!

 

We were all in a great mood and filled with anticipation and excitement to be back in Lugansk, the city where we adopted Valerie and McKenna. This is also the day we met our wonderful missionary friends who live outside of Lugansk. They picked us up at the train station and let us stay at their house that night. It was a very enjoyable little trip. I’ll write more about the orphanage visit tomorrow.

 

Laurel

P.S. It’s fun to be reflecting back on last year in Ukraine while sitting here with high speed internet access, in 80 degree CA weather.

NEW Website!!!!!

Check out our new website! You’ll see some familiar faces! After 2 years in operation, we finally have our website up and running.

 

www.godswaitingchildren.com

 

We welcome comments or suggestions to the website, especially if you find any typos!

Our Boys FAMILY DAY Today!

It’s been a special day for Dima and Misha today. One year ago today was when a judge in a small courthouse in Ochakiv, Ukraine announced that Dima and Misha were now Boylans! Congratulations boys for surviving your first year in the family. 🙂 We celebrated by letting the boys pick what we did tonight as a family activity. They chose to go miniature golfing. It was the first time for all 5 of our kids. After golfing we went to a restaurant – which the kids LOVE to do since it’s such a treat. When you have five small kids, you don’t go out to eat very often for many reasons!!! 

 

It was a looooong day one year ago today. We were at the courthouse from 8 a.m. until 6 p.m., with a few breaks during the day. Poor Kostya had to stay out in the car and babysit our 3 kids (Sean, McKenna and Valerie). We thought it best to not take the kids into the court hearing with us because they are not the best at sitting still and staying quiet for long periods of time when they don’t understand what is being said or what is happening! Both Dima and Misha and their orphanage directors (they were in different orphanages) had to be there. Dima and Misha sat together, in the same chair across the room from us. It was cute to watch Dima wiggling and Misha trying to get him to sit quiet. The boys were relatively good considering they had to sit there longer than an hour. When the judge called them up individually, he asked them to recite their names and answer questions about their desires to come to America and to be adopted by us. Dima went first and did great. Then, it was Misha’s turn. He got up there and the judge asked his name – "Misha". The judge asked his last name and Misha got tongue tied. Dima piped up from the sidelines with his last name at the time. The judge and everyone in the room cracked up.

 

This judge made us come early in the morning for the "prelimary hearing" then return at 2 p.m for the actual adoption hearing. Then we had to return at 5:30 for the decision. When we adopted the girls, all three things were done at the same time and we weren’t there more than 2 hours. Since Dima and Misha’s adoption was our second Ukraine adoption, we were not that nervous to go to court. Prior to court for the girls’ adoption, I could not sleep.  I was a nervous wreck. This time we were not worried and we took everything in stride like seasoned experts!

 

                                        

Here is a pic of the courthouse and also a family picture of us standing ourside the courthouse in Ochkiv that I just love.

 

All of the kids seem to have a good understanding of what Family Day is and why we celebrate it. Sean doesn’t have a Family Day since he’s been with us since birth…but he has a birthgrammy who treats him pretty special. Well, actually she spoils him rotten with gifts and candy and toys and anything else she thinks he wants. She usually sends things for the other kids also, which is so very nice of her. So, Dima and Misha and Valerie and McKenna understand they get to feel special and celebrate on Family Day while Sean gets his occasional pampering from his birthfamily. Also, Sean has the advantage of baby books and albums of photos of his toddler years. The other kids were not here at that age so we don’t have any young photos of them. It all balances out and believe it or not, the kids all seem to understand.

 

I will post some other thoughts and reflections and photos from tonight’s celebration this weekend.

Laurel

Reflections #2

As I was washing my second load of dishes (in the dishwasher!) and washing my 3rd load of laundry today, I couldn’t help but remember that one year ago we were in an apartment in Nikolaev with no running water – 2 adults and 3 small children with no water! We also had no luggage, as American Airlines lost it in NY and it took 5 days to get delivered to us in Ukraine. These inconveniences may seem large, but at the time we handled them well. We knew we were there to adopt Misha and Dima. We were SO THANKFUL that it all had worked out and that we got the referral for Misha, who we had hosted 6 months prior. The lack of water and luggage was definitely hard, but we kept it all in perspective. I often tell our adoption clients that once you go through an international adoption, you will be a different person. You come out of the experience with a deeper faith and understanding of what really matters in life. You are in a country where you don’t speak the language, you don’t have any of your comforts of home, you cannot drive, you are dependent on other people for EVERYTHING – and these are people who you’ve never met before your arrival into Ukraine. When you come home, the smaller things in life do not seem to bother you as much. It’s easier to shrug things off. I also tell our clients that an adoption of any kind is not for wimps!!!

 

Tonight I was listening to Dima speak. I reflected on how far he has come in the past year. His pronunciation of words has improved so much. His confidence has risen to new heights. He is happy. He is so very smart. He has a bounce in his step (okay, sometimes it’s a jump or a run) but he’s so full of positive energy. He craves to learn new things and loves a good challenge! He gets so excited over the simplest of things. (Last night I gave him our old phone book and you would have thought I had given him a $100 by his reaction!) This is the same boy, who one year ago, would not look us in the eyes. He frowned most of the time and had a very distrustful look on his face. He was very resistant to simple commands. If you told him "no" to something, he would run away from you (one time in Ukraine he ran away from me, jumped a fence and went out onto the sidewalk of a busy road). When he got mad, he would hit me, spit at me, try to ruin whatever he could get his hands on. One night in our apartment in Kyiv, he kicked me. He would go into these trance-like episodes where he would moan loudly and curl up into the fetal position. He also would open his mouth and purposely let the drool cover his chin and chest. These episodes would go on for 30 minutes at a time. He also would wake up screaming at night. I slept with him but that was no comfort. When he’d wake up screaming, he would push me away, kick me, and fight me to the end. There was no comforting him. You just had to keep him safe and keep talking to him in a loving voice. I have to admit, that the last few days in Ukraine (when I was by myself with the two new boys and McKenna) I was really worried about what we had gotten ourselves into. My final day in Ukraine, I had a total meltdown. I did not know how I was going to handle Dima on the trip home. But, I’ll go into that story later when we approach the one-year mark of our home-coming. I did expect to have a long, hard road of adjustment and attachment with Dima based on his behaviors the first few weeks. Well, we were fooled. Most of the behaviors I have described to you John has never seen to this day. As soon as we got home, Dima started to relax. He was still resistant and did the drooling and moaning episodes….but he slept through the night with no screaming from the very first night home. He has NEVER hit, kicked, spit, or tried to hurt me, John, or any of his siblings. I now realize that his actions in Ukraine were done out of fear. It breaks my heart to think back about how scared he must have been to act out like this. Now that we really know him, we understand how out of character all that was.

 

Misha has had an amazing transformation in personality as well, but in a different way. When we hosted Misha, he was rather quiet and a bit shy. He would eat NOTHING but fruit and ice cream. He would not try any new foods. He was very obedient and helpful. But, he showed very little emotion and was not affectionate at all. In fact, when he was with his orphanage group leaving LAX, he did not even turn around to say good-bye to us. He acted like we were not even there. When we first arrived in Ochakiv to reunite with him, we were surprised that he came running over to us and hugged us. He was very excited. But as we watched him during the next month we were there, he was always the one to hang back and not get involved with his peers. He would watch others play or fight or chase each other. He would hang out by himself, looking at the ground. When he would be called away for lunch when we were visiting, he would just take off and not even wave good-bye as he left. He was in the youngest group at the orphanage where he lived with kids as old as 17. He would sit back, with a very serious look on his face and take it all in –usually very emotionless. This is the child that now sees me from across the playground at school and comes running full speed to give me a hug! He’s the child who sometimes talks NON-STOP. He is the oldest child in our family so he is now a leader and he takes the role very seriously. What a change from his role at the orphanage. Misha has a nickname at home – Officer Boylan. The boy will nark on any of his siblings for the smallest of infractions. He will be sitting at the kitchen table looking down the hall and announcing that Sean just washed his hands but forgot to use soap! One night, from the kitchen he told me that Valerie was not using toothpaste as she brushed her teeth. He also is one to want to know all the rules and makes sure to remind his siblings of the rules. In church, if Dima starts to fidget Misha will say "Dima, sit still!" Misha adjusted to our family much quicker than Dima. I think the fact he had come for hosting definitely helped. Misha knew what life at our house would be like and he was excited. He refused to show emotion when he knew he was going back to the orphanage at the end of the hosting. But, after we adopted him, he was old enough to realize that this time he was coming to stay forever. He feels comfortable showing his emotions now. Misha speaks very, very well for only being home 11 months. He is the most creative child I have ever met. He can design and build the most amazing things for an 8-year-old boy. We have no doubt he will likely be an engineer someday. He is also a "peace-maker". He likes to share and help people. He is very sweet.

 

Believe it or not, it is hard to remember what life was like with just one child (Sean) 2.5 years ago, or with only 3 kids (Sean, McKenna and Valerie) 1 year ago. We feel like we’ve been a family since the beginning. The kids look and act like siblings who have been together since birth. We have been truly blessed.

 

Anyways, sorry to ramble on so much but it is fun reflecting back on the past year. It’s interesting for me to think back to what we were doing on this day in Ukraine last year.  It’s also inspiring to sit back and think about how far the boys have come and how much they have blossomed.

 

Stay tuned for more reflections as we approach our "Family Day" next week. We will celebrate our Family Day on our court day, November 14,  because we were all together on that day. When I was able to finally take Dima and Misha from the orphanage, John and Valerie and Sean were already back home.

 

 

Thanks for reading! Also, I am sorry for any typos. I’m too tired to go back and read what I’ve written!

Laurel